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| Hello readers--if there are any in fact still out there,
I'm taking it upon myself to engage in the craft of poetry and prose as result of a conversation that a friend and I shared earlier this evening. To be honest, I'm more excited over the idea of her expressing some wonderful thoughts to the world more so than putting out some fresh musings of my own. But we'll see. In time, I'm sure I'll think of something that I feel very inspired to present.
Tonight, I resolved to take a much needed study break away from campus, and luckily one of my best friends joined me. Yay! However, we didn't get too far. Thankfully, this friend has mechanical skills to make up for my almost complete lack. Teachable moment, right there. After multiple flat tires, a decrepit, stubborn car jack and grimy hands rinsed off, we made it to our local corporate coffee shop. And it was **good**. A lengthy conversation filled with soul. An amazing friend. The tasty coffee was definitely a bonus.
Things are moving too fast right now to process. I'm really trying to make the most of my last month here at Taylor and striving hard to truly enjoy the friendships, the programs at Taylor such as chapel and other activities, tlasses, the community of believers, BROHO, even homework, and the DC (and its cuisine?? Okay, I still have some work cut out with that one) ... Some of the above have always mattered to me, while other of these have been treated by me, at times, with indifference. It's taking a lot to put myself fully into every aspect of life with joy and thankfulness in Christ, but I feel like God is granting me strength and wisdom in the process. I'm starting to see this change in my attitude about the present is rooted in my understanding of the future... it's not of fear and anxiety, and more of peace and joy. And this is all because of what Jesus Christ has done for me on the Cross. I could continue writing but I'm not quite sure where I am headed. I'm pretty scattered with my thoughts, which means it's probably time for my study break to conclude and for me to either 1) hit the bed or 2) hit the books. I'm not sure how either of those phrases came to be, but I'm going to take my pick and update another day when I'm not staring at another 13 pages to go until 'freedom'.... 
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The words which I feel compelled to say fall short of the spectacular, perhaps, but whenever circumstances in life re-emerge as new and fresh, when restoration and healing becomes a reality, an experiential truth... well then although these words fail in articulation, my spirit swells in joy and a gratitude for being given that which I am undeserving. Building upon the past to make for a better future and more thoughtful and carefully lived out present is something that sounds so simple that I had never really thought to apply it in my life. Through a conversation with a great friend, I've learned how I can participate in transforming these long past memories of moments marked by uncertainty and regret into a confident and beautiful hope. There's so much to learn. The following song relates to this somehow...
"Spinning"
Harry, another day we will feel better about this.
And we'll go through yellow yards, to the library lions, closing our eyes, spinning in autumn.
Harry, another day we will feel better about things.
And we'll dance through yellow yards, like a dress on the line, closing our eyes, losing this:
I know nothing about so many, too many things;
I see I have come to the wall, come to the ending of me again.
I don't know, I . . . no.
What are you saying? Why don't you just -
Isn't this, isn't this funny, Harry? All of this:
I know nothing about so many, too many things;
I see I have come to the wall, come to the ending of me again.
I know nothing about so many, too many things;
I see I have come to the wall -
I'm turning around now,
I'm spinning around now.
I think I'm on the other end of this song now; that perhaps I have reached that day the singer is looking for to come: the day when she and her friend will feel better about things. I know that I found that the song breathed with some clarity the inexpressible for me many months ago, and I also feel that it captures some of what's going on within me even today. I still have yet to come to know much of where I am going, and I feel at a loss for where I am truly headed. With this I acknowledge that my own resources and abilities are limited, I am at the end of me for discovering this. But I have an ultimate hope and comfort, one that although the song doesn't make explicit, I do believe it points to: and that is God's provision, His wisdom, and His love. Had I not come to the the point of realizing that some crises or trials are beyond my immediate understanding... I don't think I would've ever been able to form a trust in God that the difficult and confusing matters have a purpose and are necessary for some character development or another factor in my life that is less than readily perceptible. All I can say is I'm beginning to see a reason for a difficult patch of my life over the summer and it's made me feel thankful and incredibly appreciative at how God can weave lives together or in and out of one another to produce some beautiful and seemingly complex discoveries.
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Snakes in the grass. Barefeet. Mud. Distant red barn. Stars.
Stone benches. Poignant questions. Joyful discussion.
Past reflections--heritage, beauty, food, encounters of grace.
A testament to true friendship between three.
Not fading.
Perseverance.
One amazing reality, existing mysteriously:
God dwells in us and impacts us with His perfect love beckoning us to run after Him.
Deep friendship--
soul-bearing and fruitful, beautiful though sometimes difficult, but ultimately rewarding
--the kind that moves us and leads us to tears of thankfulness and bursts of joy...
does so because the Spirit is within us seizing our attention that this is a sign of things to come.
You were made for this, there's so much more to come. Heaven awaits.
I was made for God, and then others--how glorious the truth!
30 April 2007, 14:56
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| Blogs are being updated today. Blogs by some of my favorite people. This day before Thanksgiving. I should do the same.
It's that time again. I'm contemplating getting my hair cut. I want something a little more normal... it's time to put the curls away for a while.  We'll see if I follow through with this however... if I go for a whole different style or just a few inches off.
To be continued...
My new obsession is LastFM. I've only fooled around with it for the past week or so. I'm really digging it so far. It's a program that keeps track of your listening preferences and matches you up with people of similar musical tastes. You can find new music that way... meet new people... and there's even a streaming radio playing songs culled from the music profiles of you and your neighbors. For an additional subscription fee, you can get your own personal station. At $3 a month, I'm considering it. Like, I said it's my new obsession. Hence the wordiness.
Oh yeah, here is my profile.
Everyone's taking a nap here. Everyone = mom + sis. Such are these days that probably the best relief we find is in our slumber. Sometimes it seems that way. Yet I also know very well the comfort God has given to me through friends and my church.
I'm finally not the only one missing from Taylor. We all are! 
I hope all of you kids are enjoying days off. Say hello to your families for me. And stay warm. Know that I miss you all... definitely the few that have managed to find this. | | |
| Crazy night....
"Photograph"
I'm so tired, I said what I came to say,
I don't want to go again,
but just lay here and dream the world away.
You can have all that I've offered,
but I'm keeping what I must,
and it's not that I don't love you.
No, it's time I do not trust.
So take a photograph,
'cause this ain't going to last,
and I will make the best I can,
but God, I'm praying it's about to end.
Tomorrow will be wonderful,
and its sweet promise is in sight,
but right now I don't want to hear it,
'cause I'm still down here tonight.
So take a photograph,
if you're wanting this to last,
'cause you can try the best you can,
but God knows, it's about to end.
Sleep it comes so easy,
and faith it fights so hard,
so come to me please, Jesus,
before I waste another night, my Lord,
and take that photograph,
and throw it in the trash,
'cause I have tried the best I can
and thank God that's about to end.
and I don't know where I'm going,
but I know that you'll be there.
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